We Need To Talk: Scripts for 44 of life's most difficult conversations

For years, I watched brilliant women in my community - podcast listeners, course participants, friends - struggle with the same thing over and over again. They knew exactly what they wanted to say, but when it came time to actually have the conversation, they'd get angry and say things they didn't mean or freeze up and find that they were unable to say the things they really needed to say.

I'd get emails like: "Stephanie, my mother-in-law keeps making comments about my parenting and my husband won't say anything. I know I need to address this, but I don't know how to bring it up without starting a giant family issue."

Or: "I'm constantly the friend initiating plans — I want my friends to pursue me too, but I don't know how to ask for that!"

The thing is, I've always been good at difficult conversations. Maybe it's that I'm the daughter of two psychologists, or because I'm a writer, or because I have a background in journalism, or because I've just had a lottt of practice.

But whatever the reason, I found myself constantly coaching women through these situations - giving them the exact words to use, helping them anticipate responses, walking them through the whole conversation beforehand.

After probably the hundredth time someone said, "I wish I could just have you in my ear coaching me through this conversation," I realized I could actually do that. I could create a guide lends gives women my voice - my words, my framework, my confidence - until they find their own.

The conversations in this guide are the ones that came up again and again in my inbox, in my courses, with friends over coffee. They're the talks that keep us up at night, the ones we rehearse perfectly in the shower but totally botch when the time actually comes.

I created this guide because avoiding hard conversations doesn't make them go away - it just makes them harder.

And because every woman deserves to have her needs, her desires, her boundaries, and her voice heard.

I'm so excited to share this with you!

Here's a complete list of the scripts included in this guide:

Part 1: Friendship Conversations

1. "I'm setting new boundaries in our relationship"

2. "I don't want to do [tradition/obligation] anymore"

3. "I need you to stop venting to me about the same situation without taking action"

4. "I can't be your therapist anymore - our friendship needs more balance"

5. "I need you to stop making comments about my [dating life/career choices/appearance]"

6. "I feel like I'm always the one reaching out/planning things"

7. "I need you to respect my boundaries when I say no"

8. "I can't keep lending you money"

9. "Your drinking/behavior is affecting our friendship"

10. "Our friendship has run its course and I think it's time to acknowledge that"

11. "This friendship has become toxic and I need to end it"

Part 2: Career Transitions

12. "I'm considering a career change" (with spouse/partner)

13. "I'm thinking about leaving my job" (with boss)

14. "I want to start my own business" (with family who depends on your income)

15. "I'm not sure this career path is right for me" (with parents/mentors)

16. "I need to step back from some responsibilities" (with colleagues)

Part 3: Dating & Romantic Relationships

17. "I need us to define what this relationship is"

18. "I have feelings for you and I need to know if you feel the same way"

19. "Where do you see this relationship going?"

20. "This is where I want our relationship to go, and I need to know if we're on the same page"

21. "This issue is affecting our relationship and needs to change"

22. "This has to change or I can't continue in this relationship"

23. "I think we need to take a break/break up" (romantic relationships)

Part 4: Family & In-Law Conversations

24. "We need to establish boundaries with your parents"

25. "I need you to have my back when your family criticizes me"

26. "We need to create our own holiday traditions"

27. "I don't feel comfortable with how much time/money we spend on your family"

28. "I need help with aging parents" (with siblings)

29. "I want to make a change in how we raise our kids" (with spouse)

30. "We need to redistribute household responsibilities more fairly"

31. "We need to discuss expectations about who does what when the baby comes"

Part 5: Personal & Life Stage Conversations

32. "Please stop asking when I'm going to get married/have kids"

33. "I'm not interested in being set up right now"

34. "I want to buy a house/make big decisions on my own timeline"

35. "I'm going back to school" (with family/employer)

36. "I want to move to a different city/state"

37. "I'm struggling with my mental health and need support"

Part 6: Fertility & Motherhood Journey

38. "We're trying to have a baby, so please stop asking about it"

39. "I need you to stop giving me pregnancy/fertility advice"

40. "I can't handle baby showers/kid events right now"

41. "We're struggling with fertility and need support, not solutions"

Part 7: Financial Conversations

42. "We need to significantly cut our spending"

43. "I want to invest in myself/my business" (when it affects family budget)

44. "I can't afford to participate in [expensive group activities] anymore"

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